The Truth About Sex & Why You Should Make Him Wait
Written by Arryana Tate • @arryanaluxe
What is the truth about when it is appropriate to have sex with a man for the first time?
You've probably heard of the 90-day rule from Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man and stories of one-night stands turning into decades-long marriages. However, most women do not want to give the impression that they're easily accessible, and at the same time, believe that withholding sex will cause a man to lose interest.
If you are a woman of high value, then there is an important reason why you should make him wait, and it has little to do with upholding a paragon of virtue.
We live in a relatively progressive generation of ambitious and thriving women who are taking back their autonomy and waking up. The glamour of alluding to be someone worthy of "wifey status" has waned. Appealing to men, despite our best interests, has been reduced to engaging in "pick-me" behavior — and rightfully so. The romanticization of the struggling woman who cooks, cleans, births, works, and caters to her husband's needs is becoming an antiquated ideology. Many women realize that we are not on an equal playing field with men and refuse to sacrifice so much for very little in return.
Once this realization occurs, you then start dating differently. You open up your horizons to men who have more potential, tangibility, and the means to add a lot of value to your life. Then, you start resorting to the antiquated ideology, "Maybe if I give it up, then he will see us as meant to be."
Maybe if I cook, clean, bring home half of the income, have his children, and cater to him, then he will start seeing us as meant to be.
Why would you want to offer the highest form of physical intimacy to someone who has not added significant value to your life already? If he has not proved himself to be a worthy contender, why would you put him in the ring?
In most cases, sex is the chase for men. During the hunt, the ball remains in the woman's court, and it is his job to prove that he is worthy of having that type of access to her. As he adds significant value to the woman's life, then she can make a conscious decision on whether or not she would like to take it to the next level.
The truth about sex is that women must exercise self-discipline so that they do not suffer in the long-run. Making him wait for sex does not mean following strict 90-day rules or being a moralist — it means that you love yourself enough to not toy with potential. As a woman, you love yourself enough not to chase and try to prove your potential to someone who can't be bothered to give the same energy in return. It is not the way of the woman who deems herself as highly valuable.
Because after all, it is the sperm who swims to the egg.
Arryana Tate is an Author and Founder of @LuxeGirlDiaries, a level up community that empowers Women to refine their image, mindset, and lifestyle.